HOW TO DEAL WITH TEENAGERS - 10 THINGS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT THEM
Dear readers, this blog will be really beneficial
to the ones who are parents (or soon to be parents), be sure to read it through
the end.
I have heard many adults complain about their children
and grumbling about how they can’t control them, especially teenagers.
I recently turned 19 and I realized that soon enough,
in 2026 I will be 20 years old. An average human lives for around 80 years.
Taking that into account, a quarter of my life will have been over. Finished.
Done and dusted. Won’t get those years back. And I realized that I finally came
out of my angsty teen years and have matured as a person. I am pursuing an
under-graduate course, I have responsibilities, I handle my own finances, I
have my own goals to pursue…You get the idea.
Even though this teenage phase is over, it is still
fresh in my mind. So, I thought of documenting my thoughts and helping out all
the parents out there in the world who face difficulties in raising their
children. Predominantly, it is relevant for the age group of 13 to 17. These 5
to 6 years are really fragile for a parent as well as the child. As an
adolescent, we go through some changes, our thinking patterns and ideologies
start to become permanent, and mainly we hate the entire world just for
existing. I am sure that is what you may be thinking too. But here are 10
things that will change your mind about us and may help you understand our
perspective.
Disclaimer: These are my opinions and it is not
necessary that every teenager in the world felt the same way as I did. I grew
up in Mumbai in a middle-class family during the 2010s era and my thoughts and beliefs
have been formulated as a direct result of the events that happened in my life.
It may not be true for your child, but I hope you can get some clarity through
this post.
1) Myth: We badmouth you to our friends and relatives
I don’t understand why, but so many parents have this
misconception that their kid complains to their friends about their behaviour.
For the record, that is absolutely false. I believe that adults imagine a
scenario that everyday their kid goes to school or college and sits with their
friends, and then all of them have a roundtable discussion about who’ parent
did what. In fact, it’s quite the opposite! We generally don’t talk about
parents as such and even if we do then usually you are just the side character
in a story we are narrating. So dear parents, chill out. We do not hate you.
While on the other hand, I have observed that almost
every other parent will discuss their kid’s behaviour. They will complain and
whine and all the other parents will agree and add on to it. So in reality, it
is actually you, dear parent, who are responsible for the slander!
2) Not all of us are tech savvy
This might seem as quite a shocker, but it is as true
as it can get. Not every teenager on this planet is tech savvy. In fact some of
us are actually pretty dumb when it comes to using technology. Taking myself as
an example, I humbly accept the fact that I am not very tech savvy. I just figure
out how to work the TV remote by playing around with it.
I have discussed this issue previously in one of my
blogs. Do read it in case you have time. Here is a link to the article –
3) Nostalgia is as important to us as it is to you
Yes, we do miss our childhood. It is just that you,
dear parent, show that more often than we do.
We remember our past. The faint static of the dabba
TV, the 1 rupee pepsi, the Kurkure packets, the smell of CD players, simple
birthday parties with chips and cake, attaching cable to the PC for internet,
annual days at school, the taste of Chocos in milk, and of course, legendary
cartoons such as Shin-chan, Doraemon, Chhota Bheem, Ben 10, Ninja Hattori, etc.
Even while writing this out, a smile graces my face as
I remember those times. The times before social media, binge-watching and AI
took over the world by storm. Those times were good. And we miss them too.
4) Religion
Now this is a very sensitive topic so I won’t linger
around for too long. All I want to say is that in my entire 19 years on this
earth, almost every other person I’ve met who is of my age, is religious. We
are religious. We embrace our upbringing and are proud of it. Sure, that is not
to say that I haven’t met any atheists either. But the proportion of religious
teenagers is higher.
5) We can’t share everything with you
Often times, a parent expects that their kid will
share every other detail with them like they used to when they were little. But
it pains me to tell you – this is not how it works anymore. We are learning how
to be mature and at times we won’t be comfortable sharing stuff with you. I
have observed that some teens share everything with their so-called ‘friends’
and keep secrets from their parents. For the record, I never did that. But yes,
I have noticed others do this. But don’t worry, this is only temporary. As
they’ll grow older they’ll realise that discussing about your issues with your
parents is a far better option than telling about it to people you’ll have a
short-term friendship with.
Of course, I am not badmouthing friendships. Maybe you
have genuinely good friends who actually care about you and may end up being a
life long support system for you. In that case, sharing about your problems
will help. But as a teenager, one needs to understand how to judge someone’s
character without being snarky.
6) Myth: Everyone will force you to smoke or take drugs
As a teenager if I have ever been pressurized by my
friends to do something, then it is for quite insignificant things such as
watching a TV show or anime, coming to a friend’s birthday party, creating an
account on a social media app, bunking a few lectures in college/school, etc.
Stuff like that is neither illegal nor dangerous. It won’t be far fetched to
say that I have never, not even once, been pressurized to smoke, drink, or
commit other illegal activities. Neither has this happened to any other of my
friends.
But yes, as a parent it is important to tell your
child about how the world works. And a child needs to understand that the
parent is not being over-protective. They just want you to be safe. But this is
an entirely different issue which I have covered in point number 10. Check it
out.
7) Grandparents are important to us too
Alright now this one in particular may not be true for
all. I have observed this trait in many, but not all, friends of mine. Yes, it
is true that grandparents are important. The relationship between a grandchild
and their grandparents is different. It is pure, it is quirky and filled with
benefits. And as time goes on this bond only grows stronger. But this will only
happen if the child has been connected with the grandparent since the
beginning. Only then does the love increase.
It may happen that during our angsty tween phase we
may push them away but that is something which cannot be avoided. We do love
them but during that phase our mind develops this ideology that, ‘my
grandparents won’t understand what I am going through’. It is a destructive
ideology for sure. But the only solution is to have patience. As we’ll grow
older we’ll realise that our actions were not justified. We’ll rebound, we’ll
apologize and we’ll enhance the connection that was once lost. It is only a
matter of time.
8) Social media/phone is an addiction for us as well as
for you
“It’s all because of that phone!” is a phrase that
every kid has heard many times. And to be fair, my mother was absolutely right
when she blamed my phone for my lack of attention span. But this is not a
problem that only teenagers face. This is a problem that adults face too. I
mean it’s no magic but I can bet you that you are reading this post on your
phone.
Jokes apart, you’d be lying to yourself if you don’t
think that you aren’t addicted to your phone. Currently, this is a predicament
that the entire human race is going through.
So just blaming the young generation for this act
doesn’t seem fair now, does it?
9) We are serious about life
I couldn’t stress on this fact any more than I am
doing now. We have dreams, we have goals, we have ambitions and we want to
achieve them. We are serious about life. That exam we have tomorrow is
stressing us out because we keep overthinking about what would happen if we
failed.
The only reason why you, as a parent, may feel that we
are not serious enough is that you keep nagging us. Don’t do that. In fact, the
next point in this post is connected to this one.
10) We need space
Finally we come to the most important point. Point
number 10 – WE NEED SPACE!
Even if you thought that all the other 9 points were
not relevant for all, I can assure you that this one, is 100% true for every
teenager on planet Earth.
As I said earlier. Don’t nag us. We know what you are
trying to say. We understand. We got your point. You don’t need to keep
repeating it again and again.
And I think this is probably where a parent must tread
cautiously. You can’t entirely give up and you can’t be pushy. You need to
strike a perfect balance between both extremes. And to do that it is best to
train your own mind first. Tell yourself that “my kid is intelligent. He/she
heard what I said and will implement it. I don’t have to tell them twice.”
Next, it is also helpful if instead of using jargon
such as ‘listen here’, ‘you need to understand’, ‘here’s the thing’, ‘you are
an adult now’, you use phrases like ‘letting you know’, ‘what do you think’, ‘I
may be wrong but…’ and etc.
What I mean is, instead of treating them like an
adult, talk to them like one. Sometimes, sharing your own problems might even
help. It may sound unorthodox but believe me it helps. Your teenager becomes
grounded. They realise that their parents too have problems in life and hence
try to act sensible so that they don’t bother you too much. But this should be
done at the appropriate time and place. If your teenager has just gone to their
room and slammed their door shut, then it is best to just leave them alone for
a while.
Also, forcing them to do something is a big no. Just
ask them once and leave it at that.
And another thing that is of colossal importance is
privacy. DON’T. INVADE. THEIR. PRIVACY. Think of it this way. If you are a
parent, and your friend or partner (who is roughly the same age as you) is
upset about something then how would you handle them? Would you go and check
their phone, to find out what’s wrong? No. You’ll tell them “I am here if you
need me” and leave them alone. You trust them that they will solve the issue on
their own.
That is how you deal with your teenager too. Trust
them.
Read that again.
Trust them.
That is what most parents don’t get. If you can learn
how to trust them to be an adult, that’s all that is required.
I hope you had a good read and this post helped you.
As I said earlier, quite a few things that I have written here may not be true
for all. But as long as you learn how to trust your children, the bond will
ever be strong.
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